The Pain Family

There's a family that came to visit
Nay, they came to stay.
Their presence follows me around sometimes
Their touch invading the every day.  
There's Father Pain, a big strong man, who carries a crushing weight. 
Mother Pain, a quiet woman, who permeates everything with melancholy.
Then Child Pain, so young yet, who comes on hot and fast, energy spiking and fading quickly.
They come 'round one by one, sometimes in pairs, sometimes by their three.
Their presence is unwelcomed, but how can they be asked to leave? 
How can these hospitable responsibilities be relieved?
They need another invitation, but not from this poor soul.
But that offer's already extended, I just need to let them go.

Vacant

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships lost.  Here's the current results:

Vacant

You're dealing with a memory,
The friend you hug is not fully me.
The chains are loose, my heart's now free
To remember who you used to be.

I've let go, I've moved on
The bond we shared is no longer strong.
This plays out like a bad love song.
To stay the same just feels so wrong.

I've checked out, I can't wait forever.
Attached heartstrings I had to sever.
My endurance of the pain would last? Never.
My emotions just aren't that clever.

I'll still be around, I'll still care
But the friendship we had won't be there.
I'm not being mean, I try to be fair,
But now you'll know why when you don't find me there. 

Balancing the Equation

     Time together used to be golden but has since faded to a tarnish.  Neglect has let the dust settle, hiding the beauty of what had been.  Empty talk and promises do nothing to restore the shine.  Will this friendship see its splendor once again?  I don't know, but it takes two to make a pair.
     This endeavor takes equal effort: tipped scales do not a balance make.  Nor does a dry gas tank see the journey to its end.  Likewise, a few gallons will see the journey cut short when the tank runs out.  The question is Will you fill the tank before the journey is no longer there to take?
     Do you remember it?  That friendship, sitting there as it gathers dust?  Will you let it fade away?  Or will it see the light of day?

Weird Waters

Weird waters we are wading now,
worries thick and fast.
Will the current wash us by?
Would footing stay at last?
When will we stand upon the shore?
Where is the solid ground?
Winds of change, you stir us up,
why muddle answers we have found?
We wonder if the river narrows,
wonder when it calms.
When worldly wisdom meets its end
we look then to the Psalms.
With waters deep and waters cold
we call upon the Lord.
Weird waters wash around us,
but HE is our Eternal Shore.

Beautiful

You are beautiful, like the morning light in a little girl's eyes.  Your joy at life bubbling up, infecting those around you with its warm golden light, eradicating any trace of gloom.  Your laugh is melodious, harmonizing with every good thing in the world.  A sonnet couldn't do you justice, nor could Shakespeare himself capture your radiance.  You are cut from a cloth whose artistry is unfathomable, and your love and faith do well to show the glory of your Maker.  Yes you are beautiful, but the mere word is but a frail shadow of that which no tongue can describe.

Happy Tears

A deeper color, a flash of rosy shading.  The feeling of choked words as emotion rises up--raw, and fierce, and beautiful.  The feeling so powerful that the body knows not what to do.  Tears run down her cheeks, but they do not match the feeling inside.  The feeling is joy, so immense, that it threatens to stop the flow of breathing and the heart yearns to break free of its cage of bone.  These are the happy tears. 

My City of Stars

A small little place is where I grew up, with a few close friends at my side.  And on summer nights we'd walk the town, and watch the stars spread wide.  So numerous and beautiful, my soul was filled with awe.  We friends sung praise to the Maker of it all.  But then I moved to the city, and my stars were hidden from my sight.  At first I lamented, seeing this only as a plight.  The sky no longer had its familiar shine, and it felt like I had left my heart at home.  But as time went on, and the nights did pass, my heart began to roam.  so then came the time that I moved to a new small place, and the stars shone brilliant once more.  And as I sat there under those stars, I noticed something I hadn't before.  The stars were more numerous than I could remember.  But as I tried to take solace in those stars, they were as cold to me as a silent December.  I thought "Why?  How can this be?"  And as I sat there thinking, the answer came to me.  I had no need to seek solace in the stars now.  In the city, my stars weren't in the sky, but around me--that's how.

Gray Day

Outside my window, the storm rages on. 
Lightning flashes, thunder cracks.
Rain pours out onto everything it can
Soaking it, filling the world with gray.


Inside my heart, a storm rages too.
Flashes of anger, roaring frustrations.
Tears fall down and flood the eyes
Blinding me, filling my soul with gray.


Turmoil and tension, complete unrest.
Fears rising, the cries unkept.
Darkness surrounding and invading
Closing in, filling it with gray.


So dark, so cold, shrouded in gloom
my heart aches, it cries for light
Where went all the happy times?
Mourning now, I'm filled with gray.


No end in sight, so sign of light
no breath of day, just endless night.
But Time and God can end the storm
Breaking free, filling skies with day.


The weight is lifting, peace is returning
hope is shining, my heart yearning
Suddenly there is a light
Shining forth, filling me with day.


The storm is over, the gray is gone.
Colors richer, life fuller.
A time for healing this dry ground
Renewing it, filling it with day.


The soul is fresh, renewed once more
burdens emptied, joys again
After tension comes great release 
Peace reigns, I'm filled with day.  

Spray - Painted Trees

Trees painted red for the blood they cannot shed.
They die just the same, but do they feel pain?
Does the forest cry out as its members fall down?
Or was there no voice as they fell to the ground?

The trees do not speak but they still utter sound.
They creak and they moan, and they sway all around.
The wind rustles their leaves, the sound tickles our ears.
It leaves lasting impressions, some laughter, some tears.

Stone Walls

The walls were built up brick by brick, 
strong - without a crack.

Not to keep the feelings out, 
but to keep them in - without slack.

Too many roles to let the feelings show,
the heart no longer knows to go.

But time alone has worn the walls,
some cracks now do appear.

The heart soaks up the sun, 
its time outside draws near.

The Jeweler's Wares

            “Our jeweler is the best.  No one in the world can match his skill,” crowed Ruby to her friends.  “I was talking the other day to my new friend Diamond.  She’s from some other shop, and she said that she got sent here so that real perfection could be achieved.  She says that our Andy’s work is so legendary, people say that he creates all of us out of nothing.  Any time he makes one of us, we’re absolutely perfect, just the way he wants us to be.”

            “I heard,” cut in Pearl, “that he doesn’t even have to find materials to make us either.  He just goes into his workshop, and comes out again, with a new perfect gem in his hands.”

            “I love how each of us is made unique.  No cut is the same, no shape the carbon copy of the next one.  I can’t imagine how Andy can do it. He’s made so many of us, and has never used the same design twice.  Wow,” Emerald sighed contentedly.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Ladomar grimaced as he walked past the gems’ shelf.  They were at it again.  Talking about their favorite subject.  Andy.  It was all they talked about as they awaited their purpose.  It was always ‘Andy this’ and ‘Andy that’.   Ladomar was sick of it.  Everywhere he went, it was Andy’s name that he heard.  No one ever mentioned his name; no one talked about who was always in Andy’s shadow.  Everyone forgot that Andy had an assistant.  Ladomar thought that even Andy himself forgot now and then.  He tried to tune out what the jewels were saying as he went about his work in the shop, cleaning up, straightening everything, making it all perfect.  But no matter how he tried to drown out the jewels’ voices, their words were always grating against his ears.  And the worst of it was that it was all true.  There was no one who could even come close to claiming the skill that Andy possessed.  Ladomar still had no idea how Andy was able to create so many unique, perfect pieces.  In all his years working for him, Ladomar still hadn’t learned the secret.  And that’s what cut the deepest.

            At first, he was content to remain in the shadows, was thrilled to be so close to the one who could do so many fantastic things.  He had been in utter awe of Andy.  But as time went on, he got used to the wonders, until they ceased to be wonderful to him.  He began hoping that Andy would start treating him like an apprentice, start teaching him how to make such wonderful jewels.  But with each passing day, Andy kept up his work, saying only a few words to Ladomar, and never invited him into his private workshop.  Ladomar had even tried bringing up the matter to Andy, and ask him to teach him.  But on every occasion, Andy had walked by preoccupied, not hearing him, or had not answered the question, and one time told him a solitary “No.”  Ladomar couldn’t believe it.  He had worked for Andy for so long, and had asked for nothing else, and Andy wouldn’t even teach him?  All Ladomar wanted was to be as great of a jeweler as Andy was.  Surely that wasn’t too much, right?  He deserved the chance to be Andy’s apprentice.  Assisting him just wasn’t enough.  So Ladomar began to feel resentment against Andy, began to hate the sound of his name, began to long for the day when his name would be praised just as highly- no, higher- than Andy’s name.

            So here he was again, running the jewel shop, hearing the gems go on and on about their maker, and still no closer to becoming a great jeweler himself than he had been on his first day.  He couldn’t take it anymore.  Ladomar waited until Andy left, and went into his private workshop.  He hoped, at the very least, that the room would hold all of the secrets of great jewel-making.  His whole being jittered with anticipation as he closed his fingers on the knob, turned the handle, and pushed open the door.  The room was black as he entered, and Ladomar fumbled around a bit before finding the light switch.  Finally, he could learn as much as Andy knew, and then he could leave, and start his own jewelry shop.  He could- …do nothing!  A single bulb lit up the room, revealing a wood floor and green walls.  Nothing was in that room.  Not even dust bunnies.  Ladomar couldn’t believe it.  He started looking around for a trap door.  There had to be something.  Surely Andy didn’t actually make the gems out of nothing.  There had to be a process that Ladomar could duplicate.  He had to be better than Andy.  He- … Ladomar turned back to the door at the sound of Andy’s return. 

            “What are you doing in here?” asked Andy.  His voice was calm, and his eyes told Ladomar that there would be no way out of this.  Andy already knew what Ladomar was going to say, already knew all the excuses that he could conjure up. 

            “I want to be as great as you.  Greater than you.  I can’t just be your assistant anymore.  I need to learn.”  Ladomar’s voice was defiant.

            Andy’s voice was kind as he replied, “Ladomar, you know I revere you highly.  I have put you in charge of running my shop, have given you the highest position.  But you cannot be like me.  You were brought in here to serve.  That is your place.  Please return to it.”

            “No!”  shouted Ladomar.  “I will not!  I deserve to be greater than you.  I’ve done so much for you!  I’ve heard your name be praised everywhere I go, and no one acknowledges my existence!  I’m tired of living in your shadow!  I deserve my own spotlight!”

            “Ladomar, please, calm yourself.  Return to your place.  Forget these desires for greatness.  Be great in what you have been called to do.”

            “No!”

            “Then I must ask you to leave.  I cannot allow you ruin this place with your attitude.” Andy was as calm as ever. 

            “Fine! I’ll leave!  But don’t ever expect me to come back!”  Ladomar stormed out of the little work room, and in his rage, threw around all of the beautiful gems Andy had made.  The gems cracked and broke into shards, and Ladomar threw most out onto the street.  He then went to go lick his wounds in the company of his friends.

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Sapphire was shy when she arrived at Andy’s shop.  The other jewels who were there were very helpful though.  They did not try to push her, didn’t try to get her to share with them her experiences.  So for the first few days, she just listened.  She heard Ruby talk about her experiences.

            “I remember that day.  I remember Ladomar suddenly went crazy.  He went into Andy’s private workshop, which no one is ever supposed to do, and he started yelling at Andy, saying he should be greater than him.  When Andy told him- nicely, mind you- to please go back to running the shop, he lost it.  He stormed out, and the next thing I knew, he had picked me up and thrown me across the room.  I hit the wall, crashed onto the floor, and saw pieces of me shattered around me.  It was so horrible.  I was broken.  Cracked.  No longer perfect, like Andy had made me.  But Andy fixed me.  He saw past all of my brokenness, and put me back together.  I still have a few scars, but I am whole again, because of him.” 

Ruby’s story was one of the better ones.  Some jewels had spent some time outside of the shop, like Sapphire had, but had gotten to be returned to the store sooner than she.  Their stories were similar to hers, but also similar to Ruby’s.  Topaz told of how he had seen Ladomar one day on the streets, and how he and the friends he had with him would come up to broken jewels, like him, and would try to tell them all these bad things about Andy, or would try to twist the truth into a lie.  Some jewels were young enough to believe Ladomar, and would then let themselves get more cracked and broken before they realized what was going on.  Other gems were wise enough to know the wholeness that Andy could give them, and slowly tried to work their way back into his shop.  None of them had made it on their own, though.  Topaz told of a few people who were loyal to Andy who had helped return them.  Topaz himself was still in the process of being made new.  He still had a giant gash going through him, and a small chip here and there muddled his outline, but he wasn’t completely shattered like Sapphire was. 

Some jewels refused to admit that they had a story.  They never wanted to see their own brokenness, never admitted to being completely shattered.  Garnett was one of those jewels.  “I am just fine the way I am, this is who I’m supposed to be,” she would declare haughtily.  “If Andy didn’t want me to be like this, he wouldn’t have let it happen,” she’d say with a sneer.  Each day, the gems could see a new piece of her cracking or chipping off. 

Other jewels focused too much on their brokenness.  All that they could think of was how they were chipped, cracked, gouged, and how they could do nothing to fix it.  They lived for the days when Andy would spend time with them, putting the pieces back, smoothing out the cracks.  But then they would return from his workshop and see only the pieces that were missing, the cracks that were not yet filled. 

As she herself went through the process of being made new, Sapphire looked at those around her and watched.  It seemed to her like there were three categories of gems.  The first category saw only the beauty of what Andy had done.  They didn’t bother to look at the imperfections, and they acted like they weren’t even there.  It was as if their view of life was zoomed out so far that they couldn’t see any details.  The second category saw only the flaws, but never looked beyond them to see the beauty of Andy’s creation.  These gems looked at life through a lens zoomed in. 

Sapphire loved the days when it was her turn to spend some time with Andy in his workshop.  He would talk to her, tell her that he loved her, and tell her that he had a special purpose for her.  And slowly, he started putting her pieces back together.  As she was being mended, she thought she belonged to the third category of gems.  She saw that she still had flaws and marks on her, but she could also see the beauty of what Andy was doing for her.  It was like she viewed life at the right spot- not too far away, and not too close.  Sometimes she would struggle with leaning towards one view or another, but after spending time with Andy, she got better at seeing the picture from the right distance.  For that, she thanked Andy, and praised him for his greatness.  She also hoped that the other gems could learn to see their lives through that lens as well.  She hoped that the gems would stop listening to the twisted lies that Ladomar told them, and would instead listen to what Andy had to tell them.  Sapphire loved having that perspective, and tried to share it with her friends as often as she could. 

Author’s Note

This story is a creative rendering of a true story found in the Bible, and of some of my own musings.  Because of this, there is a lot of parallelism between my story and the Bible’s account.  The part that is based on my own musings is how my mind creatively translated my thoughts of brokenness and how we are like Andy’s jewels.  Andy’s jewels can’t really do anything for themselves.  They’re incapable of fixing themselves, and must rely on Andy to do that.  There’s also a lot of meaning behind the names “Andy” and “Ladomar.”  Ladomar, of course, is based on Lucifer.  When I started thinking about writing this story, I wanted to pick a name that both started with an “L” and reflected on the character.  “Ladomar” is Hungarian, and means “trapper.”  Andy’s name isn’t quite as meaningful, but it is based on a reference.  There is a joke that goes: “Do you know God’s first name? It’s Andy.  ‘And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own.’  So since Andy is the God figure in this story, I thought it would be a fitting name for his character.